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TRUMP COMES UP WITH GENIUS IDEA TO WIPE OUT NATION'S 587 BILLION DOLLAR DEFICIT.
Trump has United States declare Bankruptcy!
"This is my seventh bankruptcy, people, and everybody knows that Seven is a lucky number. And who would know lucky numbers better than me, a hyuge casino owner."
UPDATE: In a bizarre turn of events, involving some incredibly bad luck for President Trump, the bankruptcy proceedings were overseen by a judge whom Trump had dealt with before. The Honorable A'isha Intizara Maria Hernandez--who is of Muslim/Latino extraction, and who is married to the famous black PGA champion Lyon Forrest--was the woman on the bench who would be deciding The President's fate. Judge Hernandez's parents are Ms. Fatima Fez, who is the former Deputy Chairman for Management and Budget for the National Endowment for the Arts, and Mr. David Hernandez, who is the Executive Director of Corporate Engagement for Meals on Wheels America.
Ironically, Trump’s former dealings with this judge involved a lawsuit that actually originated right here out of Pickford Studios. When Trump was still a private (well, depends on how you define “private”) citizen, he attempted to claim patent and trademark rights for “Mexifornia: The Board Game” which was actually created by The Pickford Word’s own Mickey McClain. (See moviesforyourmind.net, under HOME, under AUTHORS for Mickey’s bio.) Similar in appearance to “Monopoly”, “Mexifornia: The Board Game” consists of a colorful board , two stacks of cards, elaborate rules of play, and some really cool game pieces. The game lets players determine whether immigrants are a blight or a boon, whether white Americans are bigots exploiting the workers, or just good old patriots wishing to enforce the rules of law and keep our borders safe. It was Trump’s intention to claim ownership and turn the game into a new reality show, but the litigation drags on, leaving the outcome in limbo. Mr. McClain also claims that Trump’s new theme park (TrumpLand!) has stolen Mickey’s travelling road show idea for the Gigantic Bobblehead Doll & Pez Dispenser Competition. (In a separate lawsuit, Mickey McClain is being sued by the Pez Candy Company. Mr. McClain is currently attempting to crowdfund his defense.)
In what some have criticized as an act of legislating from the bench, Judge Hernandez refused President Trump’s request for a Chapter 11 Bankruptcy filing on behalf of the United States of America, and instead Hernandez declared that Trump would have to declare both Chapter 11 and Chapter 7, given that just last week, Trump snuck an executive order under the radar, lost in the kerfuffle about Nunes and Flynn, as well as the two new executive orders regarding trade. The Judge was referring to Executive Order 13782.5, in which Trump declared that the title of "President of the United States of America” be amended to read "President-Kingish Emperorus Maximus Trump." Hernandez declared the executive order to be yet a further power grab from the most powerful man in the world, and that in attempting to blend his personal and professional identities, Trump had opened himself up to the unprecedented joining of the Chapters 7 and 11 bankruptcies.
As such, the draconian rules regarding the seizure of personal assets by the court and by creditors immediately applied to Donald Trump.
It was noted that Trump flipped Hernandez The Bird upon hearing this.
The White House, Mar-a-Lago, and Trump Towers have all been taken from The Donald, with the Judge declaring that Trump shall serve out the remainder of his presidency in the Mar-a-Lago groundskeeper hut.
Robert Redford and Clint Eastwood have both offered up their properties as the potential "next" White House, for “46”, Redford offering up his breathtaking Apsen A Frame, while Dirty Harry can see the President living in his Malibu digs.
Because Trump's wardrobe goes wildly over the limit of allowable assets, the Judge allowed him to select three suits, and three ties. Trump selected three black suits and three red ties.
The Judge also allowed Donald Trump to keep some tools and a tool box that had been handed down to him by his grandfather, stating that "Trump could use them to learn what it meant to really do some actual work." Anderson Cooper, reporting from inside the courthouse, stated that "Trump picked up, each in turn, a hammer, a screwdriver, a pliers, studying them with simian-like befuddlement reminiscent of the infamous black monolith scene in “2001: A Space Odyssey”, apparently having no idea what they were for”.
Because President Trump "mistakenly" declared his wife "an asset", Judge Hernandez declared them "instantaneously divorced" with one swift THWACK of her gavel. Melania was last seen skipping gleefully down the courthouse steps with her son Barron. She then got into an idling Uber vehicle, driven by a one Travis Kalanick. The three quickly sped away, and eyewitnesses reported seeing Melania cackling wildly inside the vehicle.
Trump was also ordered to surrender his entire fleet of vehicles, and was given a choice of just three to pick from, for his personal and Presidential use:
1. A Corbin Sparrow he received as a gift from the factory workers when he visited Myers Motors in Tallmadge, Ohio, for a big Trump Rally. In a separate lawsuit, Trump is still dealing with the fallout from accepting such a large (well, relatively speaking) gift while acting in his role as President of the United States. Trump's lawyers have countered that the President was actually campaigning for 2020 during the rally, and as such, was functioning as a candidate, not The President, and as such had a right to accept said Sparrow.
2. His personal limousine. But there is a hitch: the Judge declared that if Trump was to select this as the single personal vehicle that he is allowed to keep after bankruptcy, it is under the condition that he actually act as chauffeur, learning what it is like to make an honest living.
3. At this point, the Pickford Crew had trouble with their fax machine, and the listing for the third vehicle from which Trump had to choose came across the wires as merely the cryptic words........”Go F art!"
Back at the courthouse, the bankruptcy proceedings were over in a record breaking seventeen minutes, and Trump left with a big smile on his face, declaring to reporters that it had all gone exactly as he had planned, and that he had "WON BIGLY!" He then got into his golf cart, and rode away, his combover riding the wind, creating its own little border wall between his big brain, and the vastness of our universe.